Tomorrow will mark the end of one of the worst moments of my life (right there with Evyns birth and Danny and Pey's wreck).
Daddy had a heart cath ran a couple weeks ago and it was discovered that he had three blockages. I have blogged this previously. a week ago today he went in to see his Dr. with the results and she immediately put him in a wheel chair and sent him a hour away to BG. I went and grabbed Peyton from football practice and brought him home to stay with Evyn. I Packed Eli and Zac in the van, packed Daddy, Mommy and their things and took straight off to BG with them. Surgery was scheduled for the next morning. Dad insisted we come home to rest and come back early Friday morning.
Friday morning I rose up at 3 a.m. to find everything was coated in ice, just as the weather center predicted. Ugh. My sitters slide in here by four and I was off to get Mom. That drive was the worst few hours on the road I have every experienced. Roads were closed. Interstate was closed. A forty five minute drive took me 2 1/2 hours. We were all sick by the time we rolled in scared they would take Dad back before we were able to see him.
We soon learned heart enzymes levels were elevated and indicated a heart attack in the 24 hours. Surgery was postponed and done the following Monday after his heart had a couple days to rest. Monday morning I was up by 2 a.m. and out the door again same as the mornings before.
At 5a.m on the dot they came after him. We said our "see you in a little while's" and found our spot to wait. It was almost a seven hour wait for the triple bypass before we were allowed back to see him the first time after surgery.
The first time was a bit of a shock. I had mentally prepared myself already.......I thought. Nothing can prepare you to see that. Dad was still on a ventilator and hooked up to dozens of IV's, tubes and monitors. No one would stand close to him, as if he were porcelain. I was the only one who touched him. I stood his bed and rubbed his head. I watched saliva bubble up in his mouth every time the the vent would push air into his chest. he had one eye slightly opened. It was his right eye. His color was good. I expected him to appear ashy but he wasn't. He never moved, but something told me he knew I was there.
The second visit was harder then the first. The vent had been removed and he was just beginning to wake. He was in pain. He mumbled only a few one syllable words. Me and Momma went together. Two at a time rules. He was able to get out "chest hurts" "time?" and "love ya'll". His color was worse and to me he seemed worse then when I saw him on the vent. At least then he was comfortable it seemed. I went back to the waiting room and sat down before I hit the floor. I knew it was coming and so did everyone else in the waiting room. I felt the blood leave my face. How I gathered my thoughts I have no idea. I kept thinking "not now" and somehow fought it.
The third visit was completely different. Daddy was felling good and talking better. Four hours had passed since that awful second visit and he was very medicated. He made me laugh when he very slowly and very slurred said "they told me I can't sing for two months but I think they are wrong. Matter of fact......I think I'm gonna sing now." And also, " I feel good. Better then I have felt in like.....ever." :) We asked him if he knew how many times we had been in to see him. Thinking his response would be "2" he said "3". He knew I was there the first visit. Even on a vent with one eye slightly open he knew I was rubbing his hair. I knew he did.
After that visit we went home to rest. Tuesday, Wednesday and today have strengthened him. Today his drainage tube was removed and tomorrow I am bringing him home. I don't know who will be happier, his Momma or his dog. Granny has called me about twenty times daily crying and wanting to know where Dad is. We have told her but her memory is bad and she keeps forgetting.
Last Friday's drive was yucky and it looks like tomorrows will be too, but that's ok. The ride tomorrow will still be a celebration.
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
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Monday, January 21, 2013
Blowing Off Steam
In times of trouble our true friends and family are revealed.
My life came a screeching halt last week after learning Dad was a ticking time bomb. This greater than life man is sick. That is something in my 33 years I have never witnessed. He has been my rock when my kids were sick and when Mommy was sick. He has taken care of me and my family financially when we have made bad choices. He works on my house, unclogged my drains, keeps my kids when I am about to snap, works on my vehicles, calls mechanics, ect.. Since Danny is away so much Daddy is the go to man in my life when things fall apart and I don't know what to do or how to fix it. I feed off him in so many ways. I have tried to walk in his foot steps and fail miserably. He has always been such a great example in front of me, that being even a forth as good a person, would be a accomplishment for me. He holds me together and never has to open his mouth. All he has to do is live and I watch him.
As a child I can remember him frequently telling a story about me being hospitalized. He would tell about how the nurses adored me and how they loved my little long gown and he would always trail off to brag about how very sick I was but never even whimpered. Through the years he would tell people about how I never complained, never cried, never fussed, ect. That hospitalization story has always stuck with me. When times got rough I tried to do what I knew Daddy would brag of. I sucked it up and kept my mouth shut. As I get older I find it much harder but still try very hard.
Now that larger than life man is sick. Very sick. Seventy years has slowed him down, weakened his body and greyed his hair but he still never complains. Not once. And I am falling apart at the seams.
Peoples true colors shine through when things like this happen. I have had friends offer to keep my kids, drive us to appointments, feed his cattle and help with Granny. There have been so many calls and messages from people offering a ear and helping hand that I can't keep count. It's good for my soul to know he has touched so many people.
I wonder around this house hurt, sad, worried and don't know what to do most of the time. I still have children and a husband that depend on me and think things should just continue on as if nothing is wrong. Danny has ask me numerous times what's wrong, and all I can think is that it's easier to name what's right at this point. I suppose this sort of thing is foreign to him. Best I can tell he has never allowed himself to be close to anyone and has no idea how to feel anything. A blessing in disguise or a miserable life living that way? I don't know. I know in my head that people have this type of surgery all the time and go on many many more years but it's not soothing at all. Maybe it would be nice to not feel concern for a little while.
I suppose this blog was just some venting. My mind is going a thousand miles a minute and I want to slip off and hide but I can't. I want someone to tell me everything will be fine, but no one can say that with certainty. I want someone to sit beside me and not expect me to talk.......but to just simply be there if I decide to. I don't want to be questioned like a child on my mood. Is it not obvious that I am worried out of my mind? Really!! How is it possible for neighbors I speak to once a year to be more compassionate than those I spend a numerous amount of time with? I suppose those few great neighbors, friends and family have been watching my Daddy as well. Statistics show my Daddy will be around a few more years. I sure hope so cause I know of a few jack asses he needs to teach a thing or four to. Compassion, maturity, supportive and nurturing.
My life came a screeching halt last week after learning Dad was a ticking time bomb. This greater than life man is sick. That is something in my 33 years I have never witnessed. He has been my rock when my kids were sick and when Mommy was sick. He has taken care of me and my family financially when we have made bad choices. He works on my house, unclogged my drains, keeps my kids when I am about to snap, works on my vehicles, calls mechanics, ect.. Since Danny is away so much Daddy is the go to man in my life when things fall apart and I don't know what to do or how to fix it. I feed off him in so many ways. I have tried to walk in his foot steps and fail miserably. He has always been such a great example in front of me, that being even a forth as good a person, would be a accomplishment for me. He holds me together and never has to open his mouth. All he has to do is live and I watch him.
As a child I can remember him frequently telling a story about me being hospitalized. He would tell about how the nurses adored me and how they loved my little long gown and he would always trail off to brag about how very sick I was but never even whimpered. Through the years he would tell people about how I never complained, never cried, never fussed, ect. That hospitalization story has always stuck with me. When times got rough I tried to do what I knew Daddy would brag of. I sucked it up and kept my mouth shut. As I get older I find it much harder but still try very hard.
Now that larger than life man is sick. Very sick. Seventy years has slowed him down, weakened his body and greyed his hair but he still never complains. Not once. And I am falling apart at the seams.
Peoples true colors shine through when things like this happen. I have had friends offer to keep my kids, drive us to appointments, feed his cattle and help with Granny. There have been so many calls and messages from people offering a ear and helping hand that I can't keep count. It's good for my soul to know he has touched so many people.
I wonder around this house hurt, sad, worried and don't know what to do most of the time. I still have children and a husband that depend on me and think things should just continue on as if nothing is wrong. Danny has ask me numerous times what's wrong, and all I can think is that it's easier to name what's right at this point. I suppose this sort of thing is foreign to him. Best I can tell he has never allowed himself to be close to anyone and has no idea how to feel anything. A blessing in disguise or a miserable life living that way? I don't know. I know in my head that people have this type of surgery all the time and go on many many more years but it's not soothing at all. Maybe it would be nice to not feel concern for a little while.
I suppose this blog was just some venting. My mind is going a thousand miles a minute and I want to slip off and hide but I can't. I want someone to tell me everything will be fine, but no one can say that with certainty. I want someone to sit beside me and not expect me to talk.......but to just simply be there if I decide to. I don't want to be questioned like a child on my mood. Is it not obvious that I am worried out of my mind? Really!! How is it possible for neighbors I speak to once a year to be more compassionate than those I spend a numerous amount of time with? I suppose those few great neighbors, friends and family have been watching my Daddy as well. Statistics show my Daddy will be around a few more years. I sure hope so cause I know of a few jack asses he needs to teach a thing or four to. Compassion, maturity, supportive and nurturing.
Sunday, January 20, 2013
My Pinterest Projects
Mommy isn't feeling well, which I expected when they told us the verdict about Daddy. As far as Granny....well, her memory is so bad she's already forgotten. I sometimes wish I had that problem.
To chill out this weekend I decided to knit, sew, paint, drink, smoke, and mod podge.
Our first project was simple. I tapped off a word on canvas and let the kids finger paint. I love it because it has all their little (and big) finger prints in it.
I also tried a mod podge photo transfer on to canvas. It worked and left a aged look like I was going for. Easy peasy. I simply printed a couple photos off on my home printer and put a good layer of mod podge on the canvas. I laid the photo ink side down and let it dry over night. Last, I barely dampened the paper and rolled it off with my fingers before applying the last layer of mod podge.
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Tuesday, January 8, 2013
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9 Day Wrap Up
This writing a book stuff is totally ruining my life. :) I have decided not to read the blogs I normally follow because I'm scared I will accidentally store away their great stuff and use it as my own. I have removed all my fav's from my Fb as well and try very hard not to read books, magazines or watch TV. I want all my inspiration to be just that. Mine. It's tough but it's coming along partial chapters at a time. Some may be a bit disappointed because I am using my blog and it's feedback to know what was popular posts and what wasn't and adding off of it. For now my intentions are a self published ebook. Do any of you have experience with this?
On another note, our first home visit with the agency is Friday. I have been trying to do a little home improvement this week. Doing a little touch up painting on my beat up trim and covering Evyns marker creations on my white doors. I know that stuff isn't important, but it needed to be done again and I found the thought of strangers coming into my home Friday very motivating.
I am bored slick outa my head this time of year. I have not done any photography in weeks and I have a itch. Thankfully I donated a session for auction a while back and it went to the highest bidder for a great cause. I hope to have the camera back around my neck within a week and do some photographs for a sweet lady about a hour away.
Evyn turned 3 on the 5th. We had a great party for him last Saturday and made a truck load of slime. Your welcome Mommas. If this stuff wound up in your carpet I'm sure you found it easy to remove. I did. ;) I would love to post photos, but it's not gonna happen today because Blogger is acting up.
The next birthday to tackle is Pey's. He will be 14. (sigh)
All the boys made honor roll again. This tells me we are on a good track. Pey is still loving football and practicing 3 days a week. It's keeping his grades up and out of mischief. I wish I had agreed to it years ago. The little boys are having some serious down time right now and not nearly as busy as I prefer. I miss basketball terribly and need to involve them in something soon. Baseball is a long way off. Eli goes with me three days a week to work in the kennel but that's not his idea of fun like it is mine. Any ideas? They love to create things and have expressed wanting to make pots with a pottery wheel. Is there anything like this for children in our area?
Next week I hope to get back to sewing the weighted blankets. That being said, please keep the blue jeans coming. I have a couple children in waiting right now for their blanket.
I hope the New Year has been good to each of you and wish you all the best in the months to come in 2013.
On another note, our first home visit with the agency is Friday. I have been trying to do a little home improvement this week. Doing a little touch up painting on my beat up trim and covering Evyns marker creations on my white doors. I know that stuff isn't important, but it needed to be done again and I found the thought of strangers coming into my home Friday very motivating.
I am bored slick outa my head this time of year. I have not done any photography in weeks and I have a itch. Thankfully I donated a session for auction a while back and it went to the highest bidder for a great cause. I hope to have the camera back around my neck within a week and do some photographs for a sweet lady about a hour away.
Evyn turned 3 on the 5th. We had a great party for him last Saturday and made a truck load of slime. Your welcome Mommas. If this stuff wound up in your carpet I'm sure you found it easy to remove. I did. ;) I would love to post photos, but it's not gonna happen today because Blogger is acting up.
The next birthday to tackle is Pey's. He will be 14. (sigh)
All the boys made honor roll again. This tells me we are on a good track. Pey is still loving football and practicing 3 days a week. It's keeping his grades up and out of mischief. I wish I had agreed to it years ago. The little boys are having some serious down time right now and not nearly as busy as I prefer. I miss basketball terribly and need to involve them in something soon. Baseball is a long way off. Eli goes with me three days a week to work in the kennel but that's not his idea of fun like it is mine. Any ideas? They love to create things and have expressed wanting to make pots with a pottery wheel. Is there anything like this for children in our area?
Next week I hope to get back to sewing the weighted blankets. That being said, please keep the blue jeans coming. I have a couple children in waiting right now for their blanket.
I hope the New Year has been good to each of you and wish you all the best in the months to come in 2013.