End of the year wrap up.....

Time is dwindling down and I'm ashamed that I have only blogged a couple times during this whole pregnancy. What a special time I should have tried to capture a little better. I have gotten some pretty adorable photos. What did we older mothers do before phones and social media and all this technology that allows us to stay in touch with others in the same boat as us? It's so easy now to do video clips, photos, voice notes.......there's no reason any special moment should not be documented yet here I am fixing to make excuses as to why I've not done a better job. 

I am so very glad Christmas is over. Sadly I don't even really have many photos of Christmas. The kids were all unhappy for different reasons and we each had just barely recovered from the stomach flu. And I do mean every one of us. There were not enough bathrooms in the house to accommodate all of us. We each started vomiting about an hour or two apart. It was like some crazy sh#t off the exorcist. I really would not have been surprised if my water broke during one of my episodes of puking up my toenails. Danny and I both looked like we'd been in a fight, busted blood vessels in our eyes and all. 

Mom cooked a huge dinner on Eve as always and even the smell turned my stomach. I didn't touch any form of solid food for several days. 

Now, back to the sulking children. 

Eli is at that age where I don't think he believes in Santa anymore but he's afraid to say it out loud for fear his number of gifts might decrease. Zackary believes and doesn't understand how Santa could possibly not know the difference between Silver Sonic and Super Sonic. Thank you Aspergers for throwing that wrench in Christmas morning. Next time I'll be sure to do my homework before making that mistake again. 

Eli stole a box of matches from Mom and Dads house and got caught playing in the garage with them. I can't remember if I've gone into much detail about his alarming interest in fire before so if I haven't .....here's the facts. He loves fire. Matches. Lighters. Rubbing two sticks together. Any show, movie, video, ect. that shows one how to survive and make fire with no resources. He's been caught setting my carpet in the house on fire, his matress, the floors at Granny's house and various others places and objects. So being caught with a box of matches on Eve did not end well for Eli. They each got Green Machines for Christmas and he was not allowed to even ride his when everyone else did. Of course he twisted it and tried to justify his choices and make us out to be over reacting as always. One day I sure hope he can make a mistake and take responsibility for that mistake. Right now it seems like only a meer dream. 

He was mad most of the day too because Santa didn't bring Survival Knives, Flint Rock (to start fires ya know) and an ax for him. He claimed it was the worst Christmas ever.  Between him and Zackary the day was a disaster. I suppose if an outsider where to have been a fly on the wall that day they would have thought I really had some selfish spoiled kids. And to a extent I do. But at the same time their mental frames of mind are making it very difficult to have many great memorable moments these days. 

As for little Evyn he was thrilled. He was happy enough for everyone. 

Peyton wasn't here. He is still with his Dad and I don't much blame him anymore. He spent the weekend and Eve with us and Christmas Day with his Dad. 

 Eli sure makes life here pretty dam difficult these days. I often wonder how miserable a child has to be inside their little heads to want to constantly be trying to get a negitive reaction from someone. Anyone. It's like he has to be screamed at to breath. It's as if beloved the constant turmoil he puts us in. Through the warmer months we simply left when he got out of hand. But now that it's cold, the baby is almost here and I have no energy.....we can't just throw on flip flops and go for a walk anymore away from him. We are trapped. Ugh. 

Any advice from parents in similar situations would be great. If you have "normal" children and want to offer advice.....save it. I know you mean well but it's not helpful. Unless your child has set the house on fire more then once then I have no interest in how you raise them. 

Now.....my gal is on her way. She's what Danny like to refer to as "locked and loaded". My due date isn't till the 24th but, considering each of my babies outweighed the last by a pound I'm hoping my NP induces early. Evyn was nearly 9 pounds and I really don't want to birth a Linebacker. 

Nows the time of year for Resolutions. So let's hear them..........

Mine is to enjoy life more. Scream less. Start running (since I layed down cigarettes last June). And go somewhere new in the Spring. I try not to set to high of expectations on the year that way I don't fail at them. Honestly, running may never happen. I'd be happy with a fast pace walk. ;)

I hope each of you had a peaceful Holiday and the New Year is kind to you and yours. 

Pregnancy, Sex and Cider

    
     Vagina, Vagina, Vagina. If you can't say that 3 times without snickering then move along to another blog. This one is for mature adults who can enjoy a little adult humor at my expense.

     26 weeks pregnant. 14 to go.

     This time, unlike previous pregnancies,  I have stirred clear of complaining about the side effects of building a child. I know there will those who think or say, "well hail woman......it's not like you didn't know how hard pregnancy is."
    
     I do know how hard it is. There is no pregnancy side effect I have not encountered over the last 16 years of my life. I have been hospitalized for UTI. I have had Pneumonia, Bronchitis and Sinus Infections. Fever, Cough and body aches. Nausea, vomiting and severe heart burn. Stretch marks, belly itch and terrible complexion. Swollen sore boobs, constant peeing, fatigue, swelling, cravings and once I even had the dreaded Pig Flu (AKA Swine Flu). Everyone knows what happens during pregnancy so this time I decided not to complain since I was lucky enough to be cooking a baby girl just like the boys begged for (and I was really hoping for too since this was our last chance at one of the female variety). I am sure each of us could compare boy pregnancies and girl pregnancies till the cows come home. I surely could. After having 4 boys then cooking a girl the differences are very noticeable.

    In the beginning I was so very sick. I barely gained weight and was beginning to think I'd be lucky enough to have one of those cute little belly bumps that proved I was pregnant but have skinny legs, arms and an unchanged arse.     Ha. The second trimester brought many changes. I felt tons better and gained a ton. I don't think there is any difference in how I am carrying this gal but I may feel differently as my due date approaches.

     As I mentioned before, the second trimester brought many changes and a few surprises. Welcomed surprises. Side effects of pregnancies I have never experienced much before for very long at a time. At first my mood took a drastic dip to the point that I was researching depression during pregnancy. But then my dark mood left and replaced with something else. Something very much welcomed by both the DH and myself. For the last several weeks he has been married to 34 year old teenager. Now...that being said.......wanting sex every time the wind changes comes with its own side effects whether I am cooking another human or not.

     I have always had what I like to refer to as "finicky hoo-haa".  I have used Tide my entire life along with sensitive soaps, no bubble baths much, very few tampons and mostly coconut oil for "grooming" the area. I can't wear "cutesy" panties. It's cotton all the way. No thongs.  And even if I do everything right and break no hoo-haa rules I still sometimes get lucky enough to wind up with a infection or UTI. Usually it's totally avoidable but sometimes Mother Nature just likes to kick me in the ovaries and make me go buy a 7 day Monistat kit and remind me that hoo-haa itch is the worst thing on this planet. I imagine hoo-haa itch is right up there with Ebola. Matter of fact.........a yeast infection is probably a symptom of Ebola along with bleeding from the eyes, ears and uncontrollable bodily functions.

     Now........the DH had been home for 2 weeks and his vacation/truck repair was coming to a fast end two days ago. Sex the first time was spur of the minute so before the opportunity for the second time may or may not present itself I decided to shower. Now at that moment I decided coconut oil in the tub in my condition was unsafe. If none have you have ever fallen out of the tub and went into labor then consider yourself lucky. Yes.......that happen once to me. I decided that shaving cream wouldn't hurt just the one time. And it probably wouldn't have if I could have gotten a better idea of where I was putting it. Ugh. Yes. Pregnancy side effect that no one tells you about. Your vagina disappears at 20 weeks and you don't see it again till you are several weeks post partum. If you are one who prefers to stay "neatly groomed".......good luck. Its a total feel and go game. Cross your fingers and hope you have the razor on the right path. During this 26 week escapade I must have let shaving cream go where it wasn't welcomed. And then it was followed up by sex about twice more. Double no-no. By yesterday morning I was feeling a bit "different" down there but was hoping it was in shock from all the action. Sadly, that wasn't the case. By lunch I was researching just how safe the 7 day treatments were during pregnancy. 

    Yesterday was tolerable but by bedtime I was ready to sterilize a brillow pad and scratch myself to sleep. I decided to Google home remedies and hope I had something on hand that would allow me to sleep. All of my searches kept turning up the same thing. Apple Cider Vinegar. YES!!!  I have that.  I ate it on salads, in beans and with greens. And since we all eat this stuff with food then its clearly non toxic (this was my train of thought). I am a firm believer of using natural remedies when possible. I had just never really thought much about those chemical yeast infection creams until now. I didn't want to shove something so close to where The Queen is cooking for 14 more weeks.  I read and read and read and kept seeing the words that memorized me. "Immediate relief"

     That's it!! I got up and went to the kitchen on the search of my new best friend. I found it tucked away right where I left it beside the salt and pepper. I was so elated that I had discovered a remedy that was going to deliver immediate comfort as well as use it's natural antibiotic abilities and cure the infection without the use of chemical creams and oral antibiotics (which only in turn create more yeast in my finicky hoo-haa).

     I went right off to the bathroom and poured a good amount into a little bathroom disposable cup. I thought back to the reading I had done and remembered reading that the cider should be diluted. It clearly said on the cider bottle that it was diluted at bottling to 5% acidity.  That, to me, sounded awful weak if it was going to "immediately relieve" what I had going on. I decided 5% was diluted enough and took a little cider soaked TP and dabbed it to the area. Nothing happen. No better. No worse. I decided then to lean back on the toilet seat in a way that would allow me to sorda pour the cider so  that it would run "front to back" and coat the whole entire irritated area and give me the promised "immediate relief".  Oh holy chit. Mother of the sweet little baby Lord.

     I could not breath. I could not move. All I could do was think how in the world was I going to explain that I had 3rd degree burns on my labia. But not only THERE..........But remember I had sat in a way that it was sure to coat the area in its entirety. Hemorrhoids. Chit, I had forgotten about those in the panic of having hoo-haa itching and burning. The cider had reached those too. Have mercy!! Believe me when I say that I am in no way exaggerating the severity of this simple apple solution's burn. When I could gather my thoughts I began to rinse the area with clean cold water. Even this didn't totally take the burn away. Clearly it had migrated into any little spots where I had broken the skin by scratching (ohhh come on......don't act like you can avoid scratching completely). After inspecting everything with a hand held mirror I walked back to bed carefully while being sure not to allow my legs be too close together and touch what felt like a certain chemical burn. 

     Once I was back in bed I decided to Google again. And there it was........plain as day. The acidity needed to be reduced to around 2%. Even then one should test a tiny area for burning then dilute more if needed. Sometime while reading this tid bit of important information the itching and burning completely stopped and I fell asleep. Bliss finally. I woke up to slight irritation later and decided to dilute the remedy to half/half. Yes, that first escapade was pure unedited Hell. But it worked. And I knew had I read a little more closely about the proper way to dilute I would have saved myself the worst burn I have ever felt in my whole entire life. I am impressed. The Queen will surely love this story later in life when she is pregnant with her very own little one and experiencing those dreaded side effects.

Afternoon Cider Update.
Don't bother. Just go get the good stuff.
    

If Mothers Who Kick Their Kids Out Suck........Then Call Me A Shop-Vac

More times then I can count people have looked at me and said "I don't know how you do it".  I simply smile and usually that's my only response. Reality is, I'm barely surviving most days. The last couple weeks I have simply been treading the water.

Our Summer was very difficult. But because I was taught to save face I have kept my mouth shut. I made sure that people only heard about our fabulous accomplishments, our new baby that was on the way or how great our trip was to Ky Down Under. I think all Summer those were the only 3 things that I was completely thrilled with. Eli was a complete and total disaster. Toward the end of the Summer I finally took the advice of his therapist and sent him into the crisis unit for 10 days to get a break from us and visa versa. About 3 people knew I'd resorted to that. Not being able to handle your child is embarrassing.  I told a few people that sending Eli to the Unit was like swimming in a ice cold pool. When you stay in the pool for a long time you get use to the cold water. Getting out and getting back in is misery. You are better off to just stay in the water as opposed to getting out and warming up then jumping back in. This was exactly what those 10 days done for us. We had time to warm up..........then had to jump back in the water and it was even colder then it was before. He has a appointment the 28th of this month and I'm hoping we make some changes that helps. Even though the situation with Eli sounds terrible he is actually the least of the problems this Summer.

15 year olds will drain the life out of ya. They will backtalk, test your patience, disrespect you, lie to your face, get picked up by the law for sneaking out at 2 a.m. on a side by side to visit a girl, talk nasty about you behind your back and find every single way to twist an turn a punishment until they still get their way. And being the oldest they are paving the example for the rest.

I had Peyton when I was a kid. Had it not been for my parents in his younger years I would have been up Crap Creek. After his Dad and I divorced I was single parent for many years. I mean no disrespect to his Daddy. His Daddy will attest that he was no help. And even still, these days, he wasn't one to follow through with my punishments because he didn't want to punish the few days a month he saw him.

For 12 years, anytime Peyton got in trouble here, he threatened me with the, "I'm going to my Daddy's" BS.  Then after he got older he threatened me with, "A judge will let me live where I want to". These spats of ours usually passed and he would be fine for a few more weeks as long as he got his way.

Last Sunday morning was the straw that broke the camels back for me and him too apparently. I have rules. No stricter then anyone else I don't think. He wasn't allowed to just come and go as he sees fit. He wasn't allowed to speak to me nor any adult or his brothers nasty. He had a curfew of 11p.m.. and he had a few chores. Mowing, trimming and keeping up his room. That's it. As long as he didn't get to big for his britches, he pretty much got to do about whatever he wanted. Now last Sunday morning he woke up ill. Maybe because he had been fishing till 1030 with a friend the night before at a pay lake (now mind you he was supposed to be going with Eli but wound up inviting a friend and threatening Eli to secrecy about it along with the smoking he was doing there as well). He didn't want to go to church and made that known by sulking and stomping. He didn't want to clean up in the tub because the shower was occupied and made an ass out of himself again. And then he decided he was gonna hope on the side-by-side and go to his grandparents without asking. BAM!! I'd had enough and so had Danny. Danny preceeded to give him a speech about asking permission. One he's heard 1000 times before. Peyton mouthed your normal 15 year old responses and then informed Danny he WAS'NT HIS DADDY AND DID'NT HAVE TO LISTEN TO HIM.  That was when I intervened.

Danny took on a plate full when he married me. Eli was 19 months old and Peyton was 6. Peyton's Dad was not exactly in the picture much yet and Eli wasn't exactly sure what a Daddy even was yet. Danny took them both under his wing and gave them what they needed. He wasn't great at the Daddy stuff but he was great at the provider role. My kids never wanted for anything. The Daddy role came in time. So to hear Peyton badmouth someone who took care of him when no one else would was like a spit in my face. Thankfuly Peyton's Daddy met and married and changed his thinking about most things and she made him a better parent.

Now history has proven when Peyton behaves this way there is a girl involved. He is the only male I have ever seen turn into a complete fool when he's involved with a girl. I asked to see his cellphone in hopes it might give me a clue as what on earth was causing his foul mood. He refused to let me see it. Ya see.......I stopped paying his phone bill in June and made him start odd jobs to fit the bill himself. Now, because he paid his own cell bill for 2 months, he decided that I had no right to anything on his phone. He even had the guts to say that. TO. MY. FACE. And then ran out the back door.

Now. I'm pregnant. I'm pissed off most of the time. Matter of fact I can't think of one person I care much for at all right now.........so when these events started to unfold last Sunday morning I imagine my blood pressure was somewhere borderline of a cardiac explosion. It was pouring rain. I was already dressed for church. And I took out the back door after this disrespectful brat like stink on chit.

Our disagreement over his phone and me wanting to see it, continued outside. He mouthed and mouthed about the phone. About Danny not being his Dad and about how he was leaving and going to his Dads because my rules and this house was too stressful. I think I gave him one more opportunity to hand his phone over when he told me again I had no rights to his phone at all. At that point I slapped the ever loving words right out of his mouth and he threw his phone and busted it at my feet. I then grabbed him by his shirt collar thinking I was going to lead him back into the house and continue his racking when he done some sort of matrix move and had me dam near on the ground with what I thought at the time was a broken forearm. Game Over. I then had to retreat to my corner for help before he seriously injured me.

This escapade continued for at least an hour. Danny retrieved him from walking down the road and brought him back home where he ripped his tail repeatedly for touching a woman. The game changer was when Peyton started blurting out suicide threats and saying if we didn't let him move in with his Dad he would simply call the cops and tell them such lies he'd never have to live here again. I think that comment earned him another jab to the mouth from me. This child had never acted nor spoke this way. I can't even remember all the nasty things he screamed at me that day before his Dad picked him up nor do I care to recall all of them. I still to this day don't know why except that he truly hated it here. Hated my rules. Hated Danny for helping me enforce them. And wanted to live with his Daddy because over the years its been nothing but fun and games and getting his way there. And he will be an only child. So, on Monday I made the choice to let him move. Call it giving him his way. Call it being a wimp. Call it bad parenting. I don't care what you call it. I just know I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't argue with him. I couldn't fight with him. And I sure couldn't run the risk of him snapping and hurting me or one of his siblings again. You see this wasn't the first time he had threatened terrible things. I found out last week he'd said things to neighbors over the Summer that should have earned him a terroristic threatening charge. And he also got rather rough with a teacher last year when she was restraining him from "killing Eli" (his words). I took up for him at that time and actually thought she was in the wrong for laying her hands on him. I know now she must have seen a portion of what I finally saw Sunday morning.

I don't know what else to say about this except that I am lost without all of my kids under one roof but he left me no choice. He knew what he was doing. He backed me into a corner and gave me no choice. He said before he left that there was no fixing what he'd done although An apology would be nice considering all the times I've had his back and given him the benefit of the doubt when I should not have. But, I have yet to get that. At this point all I can do is hope that his Dad can "fix" him like he claims he can. Clearly I can't and not even going to pretend that I can. I suppose I was so busy with Eli that I somehow missed the oldest kid was also dealing with his own demons.

So.........."you don't know how I do it".............do you still feel that way after hearing I kicked my child out of my house?

Gender Reveals

I have discovered the true meaning of challenging. I have haven't had the energy to do anything much less photography. When I did finally feel like I wasn't pregnant with a Cullen (I stole that from my friend April who is also pregnant and got me by 4 weeks) I had to wash clothes, clean and try to parent some. I really assumed the pregnancy was so different because I was pushing 35 but low and behold it was a little gal that was throwing my little boy cooking body for a loop. Hence the blog title change.

The boys went back to school. I am well into my 2nd trimester. Morning sickness is subsiding. I am packing on those pounds that will later come in handy breastfeeding..........but for now it's torture on my hips and knees. And the best part.......I was able to start doing a little bit of what I love. Our Gender Reveal was so much fun!!! If you decide to do this at home yourself be sure to purchase extra balloons. I purchased am extra blue and an extra pink and wouldn't ya know I lost a pink one before I completed the photo shoot and got the shot I wanted. The wind was not our friend this day. It felt completely still but you'd be surprised at how hard it was to get those boogers to stand up straight. Try to find a spot between buildings to block any breeze. But be patient. This was difficult but received many compliments.

 

 

I photographed a gender reveal this week for another couple that was SO MUCH FUN!!

 

 

 

And one of my all time favorite photographs EVER!! I caught this during the cleanup process........

 

Skull Faced Baby

I didn't tell over 3 people I was going for a U/S Aug. 1st. I wanted to surprise a few. But I was the one suprised.
The boys went with me. The 4D images freaked them out. Zombie and skull faced baby was the overall reaction.

Four the Boys.........and their little brother or sister.

It seems my blog will be needing a updated name. The cats the outa the bag. I am blown away at the amount of support we have been shown.

Let The Dreams Begin

Pregnancy dreams are too good to not jot down. And you must do it immediately after waking up because by morning they will be too vague to even try.
The latest dream was interesting.
Danny and I had gone out to enjoy what apparently was a wine and cake resturant. Why no one has thought of this brilliant idea yet is beyond me.
In my dream I was enjoying a red sweet wine and a cake that seemed to be some sort of yellow cake with a fruit salad of some sort as the bottom layer. I had to search for a photo so you could get the full effect of this delightful dream.

Now........toward the end of the dream prior to waking...... the staff removed a patient for transport. Judging by the patients actions I realized I was in a mental facility. Hell...... at least the cake and wine bar inside the gates was great. Sign me up.