Pardon the kid in under ware modeling my first scarf. I think I will give this one to Granny since she freezes in the Winter. And my first baby boggin'. The bogfins need some tweeking. I don't like how it gathers at the top.
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It was such a relaxing day. I enjoyed it very much. Besides the meltdown Zac had this a.m. not wanting to go to school it was a perfect day. I was sitting at the table just now thinking how much I loved my boys and how I wouldn't change a thing (I do that when they are all asleep) and then my sweet Evyn emerges from my bedroom and lays this on the table. Yes. Its exactly what it looks like. Happy Monday.
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Eli has been manic for three days. Sleeping about three to four hours at night. So today......OT suggested massage therapy. Lord, let this work. I need to sleep and he does too.
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Sleeping aid at 7:30p.m.
Benadryl at 10:10p.m.
It is now 11:00p.m and he is fiddling around in the kitchen and flipping on every light in the house. Danny reminded me it was time for a little mania since it had been a month of stability.
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Egg Shells = Misery

The last few days have been a complete flop. I have done absolutely nothing except be incredibly lazy. I'm blaming sinuses and mad cow.

Yesterday I had intended to take the kids to the football game and balloon launch, but decided since Danny travels all the time it wasn't fair to drag him to something he cared nothing about. I'll make it up to the boys and had intended to today by taking them to the car show at Sulphur Well, but Peyton is still sulking because I broke a promise to take him to the game and decided to spend the day with Grandparents. I can't win for loosing. I try very hard to suit everyone but am failing miserably.

School is going smoothly. Mornings and evenings are hell, tho. I'm happy teachers get to see my sweet cooperative Eli but wish I could see him some, too.

Our morning conversation goes something like this:

Eli--     I don't wanna get up let me sleep turn the light off can I ware my UK shirt let me take my ipod to school I hate school do we go see Mark today make Zac hurry up I need to pee I need $3.00 for break money today all my pencils are messed up why did you buy me those anyway you knowd those would jam up and I hate this shirt it chokes me cause something is stuck in my tooth where that cap is trying to come off and you said you'd take me to the dentist my friend takes his iPod all the time why can't I take mine the other kids will make fun of me and it"ll be your fault I just wanna go back to bed if you don't give me $3.00 make Peyton stop looking at me he is smiling and I hate him and I hate school and i hate this shirt tie my shoes you knowd I can't tie shoes why do you get me shoes with strings I can't tie and shirts that choke me do I have to ride the bus I'm tard and I don't wanna ride the bus but i will if i can take my iPod and have and have $3.00.

Me--   Eli please get up and take your medicine.

Eli--   I will take my medicine if you get me some coke I hate water it taste bad and it makes the pills stick in my throat you never buy me coke I would act better if you buy me coke and give me $3.00 a day to take to school and I need to take Zac's glove to school today because I lost mine and I have to have one today or I'll be in trouble and it'll be your fault cause Peyton is still smiling at me cause I look stupid in this shirt and it chokes me when I get home can I swim and will you get me a coke today if you go to the store just use the $3.00 that you were about to give me today for break.

Please keep in mind this is a example of 3 minutes or less. There's a hour more of this......I realize there are no periods. For good reason. There is never a period when Eli speaks. Only short quick pauses to catch his breath.

As for Zackery, he never talks. Just cries and begs to stay home. He says the day is to long and he just wants to stay home with me.

Peyton gets the crappy end of the stick. He is at such a crucial age and needs more then me. I try to be everything and everyone that he needs but with siblings like he has, it's just not fair. It's not fair to me or him. I hate to use the word normal......but honestly........I know he wishes he had a sibling that was normal. But instead he hides from home so he is sure not to get in trouble for acting like a big brother. He can't play with Zac because Zac has no sense of humor and he can't play with Eli because Eli couldn't be pleased if Peyton were the last human being on Earth. I think I'm the only person who would care if Peyton took up permanent residence elsewhere. And Peyton senses that. I try to be his Momma, his Daddy, his brother and his friend and I'm failing miserably at those things as well.

So today I am locked in the house with the three little ones and thinking. Is there something else I can do to make everyone happy. Is there something else I love that I can let go of to make someone else happy. What else can I do to make this house more like a home for everyone. Egg shells are becoming extremly uncomfortable on Peyton's feet.

Just wanted to let you gals know in New Hope Parent Support Group that our children have been personally invited to participate in this fun event. Ms. Stephanie (the boys OT @ TJ) has asked me to pass this along to you.
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Superman

Throughout our journey I have kicked many Drs to the curb for having a Superman Complex and not listening ro me nor Eli. The Dr I cut loose prior to Dr. Littleton was .........lol.....I won't say his name........but he even wore a Superman ring and drove a fancy sports car with a plate that read "Dr. Love". Seriously!?

This is the one man who deserves a cape in my opinion. He was our savior. Best wishes, Doc.

For those o you who knew I was gonna crack in his office today knowing at the end of our session I was docterless, I apparently wasn't the only one. There was a box of Klenex on the couch beside me when we walked in. ;)
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This was posted by a Mom I've come to know in our support group and I had to share.

REGULAR MOMS VS SPECIAL MOMS...

Regular moms tell their kids to wake up and get dressed in the morning. And they do it.
Special needs moms put on battle gear to get our kids ready to start their day.

Regular moms ask their kids if they brushed their teeth.
Special needs moms prompt, "Brush your top teeth. Brush your bottom teeth. Did you get the sides? Open your mouth. My God, give me that toothbrush! You've left half your meal in there!"

Regular moms wave goodbye as their kids run off to catch the school bus.
Special needs moms get awesome door-to-door bus service for their child.

Regular moms know the names of all their friends.
Special needs moms know most of their friends by their username.

Regular moms judge other moms when kids have tantrums in stores.
Special needs moms say to themselves, "Hmm, I wonder which disability he has?"

Regular moms complain about driving their kids to sports and recreation classes.
Special needs mom grin and bear the weekly trips to tutors, doctors and therapists.

Regular moms' kids have a teacher.
Special needs moms' kids have a team.

Regular moms talk about accomplishments.
Special needs moms talk about skills, as in play skills, conversation skills, life skills, social skills and vocational skills.

Regular moms relax with their kids during the summer.
Special needs moms start their second job as home teachers, therapists and skills coaches.

Regular moms think accommodations refer to hotels.
Special needs moms have memorized the top 20 accommodations for their child.

Regular moms hope their child finds a good career.
Special needs moms are hopeful someone gives our child the chance to work.

Regular moms soak in the tub when they want to unwind
Special needs moms consider a bathroom break a luxury.

Regular moms enjoy reading the latest best selling book.
Special needs moms should receive an honorary degree for all the
disability books they've read.

Regular moms go out for dinner and a movie with their husbands every month.
Special needs moms have a date night with their husbands every…wait, what decade is this?

Regular moms complain their kids won't eat their vegetables.
Special needs moms are so desperate we consider chicken nuggets to be a legitimate meat product and throw in ketchup as a vegetable.

Regular moms' kids go to play groups.
Special needs moms' kids go to therapy groups.

Regular moms meet for a ladies night out.
Special needs moms get together at support groups and forums.

Regular moms have medical claim forms that fit in one file folder.
Special needs moms will tell you a small forest was cut down so we could receive our claims.

Regular moms think OT means overtime.
Special needs moms know more acronyms than a NASA engineer.

Regular moms have time to cook a full dinner every evening.
Special needs moms will never admit how many times we've picked up fast food.

Regular moms complain their husbands sit on the couch and watch TV while they do all the work.
Special needs moms...well how about that? Some things do stay the same! (Just kidding dads, we know you do your part!)

- via oneplaceforsorspecialneeds.com
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Just a little FYI. Our Occupational Therapist says any exercise or activity that causing children (and adults) to use upper body strength is a anxiety reducer and and has a calming effect. Swimming is the absolute best for our anxious kiddos. (and Mommas) I think most of us have had access to a pool this Summer but what's a good alternative for Winter? She says the YMCA offers a huge membership discount for children who have a diagnoses. I think we will be checking this out because I have seen (Momma Jan, did I use that correctly?) first hand how calming swimming is for the boys.
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Ok....so I cleaned out my drawers in my bedroom. Ya know , that top one that the kids can't reach! Take a look at my loot.
Teeth that's labeled with which kid they were pulled from was in the array. But mostly I had unlabeled teeth and hair. I'm pretty confident the hair belongs to Evyn since Zacs first hair cut came off in a pony tail. A little FYI for yall new parents.....don't keep teeth. After a little while they are just plain gross.
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Yesterday after venting I sat down to enjoy the day with Evyn. We started to color and watch cartoons and I began to feel some ease about school starting and the boys first day. But, a friend told me many years ago that just when things seem too good to be true.........they always are. The phone rang and now things have changed for us, again.

Five years ago when our journey began we were being treated by our pediatrician. There came a time 3 years ago that she realized Eli needed bigger help and it was time to move us along to someone better educated. She referred us to the only Pediatric Psychiatrist in the area. The wait for a appointment was two years. During that time I spent a tremendous amount of time searching for a Dr for Eli while continuing to get our services from the normal pediatrician until a spot opened for us. A year ago we finally saw Dr. Scott Littleton for the first time. From day one that man changed our lives. I have said on many occasions I'd take a bullet for my boys and Scott Littleton. He is nothing short of brilliant and pegged Eli's medications immediately. He slept. He ate. He has more good days then bad. Jackpot.

A few weeks ago when it was suggested to us that Zackary see Scott for a intensive evaluation for Aspergers and we made our appointment without a second thought. (this Monday) We had few things in our life that was reliable for the boys. Dr. Littleton was that us.

Dr. Littleton was on the other end of the line and very calmly told me he had been offered a job at UofK as Head Medical Director and his practice was closing as of September. So, Eli and Zackary will be seeing him Monday for Zackarys evaluation and Eli's follow up and medication refill and then we are on our own. Again.

If you have never had to search for a Dr. If you have never put your trust in one man. If you have never sat with a screaming child, tolerated fits of rage or sat and cried at finally seeing your manic child rest, there is no possible way you could fathom what this feels like to me. I feel betrayed. I feel like he never really cared about Eli. I feel like I now have no one to help us. It took us 2 years to see him and establish our relationship. And now, there's nothing left to do but start over.

Feet first today.  I have a lot on my brain and little time to spill it out.

We found my sweet Piper a new family yesterday. Twice. The first family did not work out. We learned the hard way she is only good with my children or children she is use to. So our first family left quickly and scared to death. They are not the only ones. I had never saw Piper be aggressive and it was very unnerving.  For those of you who don't know my piper, she is a Great Dane. 150 pounds and on crack. I'm sure of it. I am very happy that it worked out with our second choice for her and she sat very proudly in the little Nisson pick-up and rode right beside him to Linwood. Before he pulled out Zackary very firmly looked at the gentleman and said, "please take good care of Piper".  Evyn ran ran the truck screaming and crying for Piper to come back. (yes, it was the saddest chit ever) Me........I hid from the kids and sobbed while Danny patted me and reassured me I'd done what was best for her. Yes, I know it's a dam dog. Don't judge me. She was part of our family and she had outgrown our little yard. She moved to five acres. Look......now I'm still trying to convince myself I done a good thing. Snoopers........don't get any bright ideas. We still have our 200 pound Belvedere who is not penned and has free reign of the yard. Trust me when I say you don't want to slip up on him at night.  Consider yourself warned.  This is what I miss most about my 10 year adventure with raising puppies. I won't bore you with details, but 20 yapping Yorkies and Maltese were a great ADT system. They let me know real quick if i needed to get my arse out there and handle someone or something that did not belong. Belvedere, on the other hand, will bypass waking me up. He will just deal with it himself. :)

I'm sure the oldest Satan reads my blogs but I'm going to spill what happen yesterday evening anyway.

Danny mowed, helped me take down pens, shoveled stinky gravel out of them for me, weedeated and chased baby Satan while I made calls, made appointments, prepared for school today and got my sweet Pipes ready to leave. (alligator tear) Drenched in sweat and a little blood from being beat up by the Danes pen, he asked Peyton to help me pick up the yard. All HAIL BROKE LOOSE! I don't know what Danny interrupted and don't think I care to know but whatever it was must have been extremely important enough to have a teenager sized fit. It's been this way most of the Summer here. Very snappy and ill. I know the circumstances with his siblings makes it rough but his behavior yesterday was uncalled for. I have had about all I could take for one day and all the threats of him leaving and moving in with his Daddy I'd heard for six months was making my ears bleed. So I not so politely told him to pack his chit and leave. I was tired of the disrespect. Tired of the threats to move. Tired of getting that child everything he ask for and being disrespected. And I be damned if Danny drives 4200 miles a week to put $200.00 shoes on that child's feet for school today and him say the things he said to us last night. (I know your reading this, son....but it's nothing you don't know already) I'm told it's teenage hormones. So, at 10pm last night his Daddy rolled in and had to set his arse straight. I was very proud of Mike and Lacy for what they told Peyton. It went something like this:
   "I suggest you get your ass up and apologize to your Mother and ask her very nicely if you can please be allowed to come back in the house. They love you. They provide for you. You have it made here. You should be ashamed of how you have done her. I cannot provide for you like they can and I will not let you crap your future away because you were asked to pick up some sticks."
   
     There was much much more but I edited it for my younger readers. :)

     This morning he woke up fine. Teenage Hormones on the day I'm suffering from Mad Cow.

     So, my head hit the pillow after 12 last night and I wallered the bed till 2ish before my mind cleared and I fell asleep. 6a.m. whooped me. Lordy, did it kick my tail. But, we made it out the door and didn't accumulate our first tardy, yet.

     Peyton wanted to ride the bus. Don't blame him. I know I'm not so cool anymore since Peyton is now grown. Zackary made it up and dressed without tears. Today. Eli done a moderate amount of screaming but I kept my cool and sling shot'ed his meds down his throat. (j/k......maybe) I dropped kids and visited teachers. I left my number with Eli's new teacher, all the while trying not to cry on the first day in front of her. I know me having a crying fit while reassuring her to call me if she had any problems or needed more medication (for him, not her....sorry Ms. Bunch) would not have left a very good first impression. So, I quietly walked out and stepped over in Ms. Haley's room where I'm free to cry since she had him last year. She knows me. She knows Eli. She knows his quirks. And she knows I fall to pieces a lot when no one else is around to see it. Ms. Bunch will learn us. Learn Eli. I knew when she gave me her cell number and told me to text her anytime, that I was blessed with another good one. It'll be fine. I know I'm repeating myself with these words of encouragement. Feel free to skip over it. It's for my benefit anyway. :)  I also had the task of speaking with Zackarys teacher. LOVE LOVE LOVE that gal. Eli had her as well and she is a amazing woman. I adore NME. I am sadden that Evyn will not have the opportunity to go there. I'm told this is the final year they will be open. (dam Mad Cow is making me very emotional.....shut up) Anyway...Zackarys teacher..... we spoke for a while. She is aware of his quirks and Aspergers. And we will discuss him more when it's needed but for the most part he is very intelligent and I don't think he will have any problems. OT will be visiting for boys this year at school and I hope they are able to nip in the bud any issues that arise with Zackary.


    So, after a brief moment in my car outside the school I pulled it together and brought my tail home. I will try to enjoy the day. I will try not to worry. I will smile and relax and play with my last baby Satan that I have at home. We will read, play, eat, swing, eat, swim, hide n go seek, eat.......:)

    Have a great day Moms and Dads. My friend Kerry said it best this a.m. All parents are happy and smiling today all over the counties. But......there are those of us who are filled with fear and anxiety because we are now just waiting for the ball to drop. And it will. That's just our life.
  

    

    

Summer Dyed

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