There are days when I feel like I have things under control. Days that I can tackle anything that comes my way. Days I'm comfortable in my own skin. And then, there are days like today.
Yesterday went amazingly well. I had just a few hiccups adjusting to new surrounding and people but I over came the shear terror by allowing myself to see the humor in the young lady who sat beside me who's favorite word was "awesome". It helped tremendously that it was my Psyc class. I was in my element. My comfort zone. I know there is much more to gain knowledge of in that class but, I have interest and the want to know those things. Tuesdays are Reading and English. I don't have the "humpf" to sit through those but I knew if I could just tackle today that it would greatly decrease the fear of have of being surrounded by people I don't know without the distraction of actually being able to relate and listen to the instructor. If I made it through today I felt confident that next week would be better. Those of you who don't have the fear and anxiety of crowds and unfamiliar surrounding cannot possibly fathom how difficult it is to handle. The more people who enter the room, the more your anxiety will run you up a wall. Your heart races. You sweat like a whore in church. You skin crawls. And then comes the nausea. You are convinced you will projectile puke before you can find a bathroom. It's not pretty. I was siked tho. Ready for the day and ready to get it over with. After today, they wouldn't technically be compete strangers, right?
At 4 a.m I was awaken by Evyn having a Asthma attach. You know that all to familiar sound as a mother to children with Asthma but you never get used to it. All you want to do is snap your fingers and fill that child's lungs with air. The following days after a attack are never easy either. With my children they always are severely sick in the days to follow. The Strider is awful. If you don't know what I mean by Strider or Retractions, Google it. Today instead of sitting in that damn classroom conquering my stranger anxiety I will be sitting in a doctors office with a sick child. I will have to hold him tight while they give him Steroid shots. I will be picking up medications for his at home Nebulizer treatments. This is my job first and foremost. It does not change the fact that I will have to walk into a class next Tuesday where people are wondering who the hanner I am and why I didn't grace them with my presence today. Oh, I feel the nausea already. People of authority scare the day lights out of me and I have made a wonderful impression with the instructor right off the bat. Yay me.
Nice try Dear Tuesday, but your gonna have to pull out some bigger guns to bring me down today. I refuse to be defeated. And send a note to you other 6 friends. Tell Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday that they can kiss my arse, too. They have given me some crap over the last few weeks but I've had enough. No more BS will be tolerated from you seven. I am superwoman.