The kids had their ceremony today. I am very proud of their accomplishments.
I am now the Momma of a 2nd year Pre-schooler. A 3rd grader. A 6th grader. And a Sophomore. Oh my. All my babies are moving on up.
Surely the date of ny last blog is incorrect. Has it really been that long? I did not realize life as I knew it would change so much after Granny moved in. Its been challenging and rewarding. Exhausting and delightful. Irritating and hilarious.
I had an idea for a blog come to me last night and couldnt wait to load a new blog ap on this spectacular new little phone (the iphobe malfunctioned and now that I have the Galaxy I am thrilled).
Many of my freinds are getting married in the upcoming Summer. Some young and marrying for the first time (I use that sentence lightly) and some have been down the road before.
I am an observer. One might call it nosey. I think words like interested, curious and observant sound less like a bad thing.
I've watched these couples during their showers, photo sessions, rehursals and get togethers. And I have made mental notes of who will last for the duration and will last till only next Spring IF their lucky. Yes. Demented. But sadly I can spot disasters from a glance and usually I nail it. How do I know these things you ask.....well, I'm no stranger to disaster.
I layed in bed last night thinking about all my friends, family or just simplely aquantances signing their contract. That basically what marriages is you know. A mutual agreement. And I began to think about the advice I'd give had I been asked for it (I dont expect to be asked given my record of disaster previously mentioned).
The facts remain......If your marrying because your pregnant and it's the "right" thing to do......it will fail. Your 25$ contract is as useless as tits on a boar hog (you liked that anolagy didn't you!?) Bless your hearts. Babies are expensive and you will need that $1500+ your about to spend on a lawyer and court cost for diapers and Xanex.
If one of you experiment with drugs, drink or have any sort of addiction that the other does not.......run. Fast. Codependance is a term used loosely but its a very serious word. We cannot FIX people. They are who they are. If their mother was a self ricious bitch and they have problems developing a loving genuine trust with women.......your devotion won't change a dam thing. Run. Fast. Same goes for women. If they have Daddy issues that they have'nt nipped in the bud.....guys run. Fast. A marriage isnt about petting your partner or stroking their ego. Its 50/50. Even 40/60 is excetable but you can't burn up your energy and waste your mentality if they have lingering issues that still greatly effect their currant quality of life. Some grow from childhood crap and go on to lead good lifes. Others dweal on how everyone has mistreated them and never let it go.
Children can create a whole different problem. Men and women can be cruel jealous creatures. Just because you see your potential husband/wife play well with their neice, nephew, neighbor, ect. does not mean they would be great parents. Its easy to be good to a child your not responsible for. Id suggest beibg married at keast 3 years before reproducing. By this time you know if they are parent material. You know if they are moody in the mornings or when they are tired. This is important. Feedings every two hours in the middle of the night get lonsome and frustrating when you don't have help and support.
By the 3 year mark you should also know if they have managed to hide some mental illness that might cause you to feel the need to break contract before offspring join that house full of egg shell floors. Ya know........asking for a complete medical history prior to even signing your contract would be a good idea. Avoiding divorce is the whole point to this entry anyway. Lets get back to that.
Long engagements. Never marry before age 25. People prior to 25 are not who they will be afterwards. The brain chemically changes. Its proven.
If you have been hit, slapped, verbally abused, inapropiatly laughed at, had your feelings disreguared, pushed, ect. .....run. Fast. Faster then you have ever ran before. You cannot fix this. Their behaviour will either break you or cause you to turn into a evil person too. Neither of which you deserve. Sadly these marriages do not always end in divorce. You will be left feeling trapped. You will be made to beleive you could never do better. You will have your children used against you as leverage. You will be spyed on. Questioned constantly. And your significant other will claim they are simply looking out for your best interest. Because you are stupid and not thinking clearly. You will not be allowed to clean up and go anywhere alone. You will be made to feel guiltly if you do.
The bottom line is, know who your marrying. I mean really know them. If they are lazy now, marriage and kids might fix that temporally but not permantly. If they have no compassion now, they won't later. And you will raise kids who dont care about others feelings either.
If they have abused you once, theres a good chance you wont make it out of the marriage alive.
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