Monday, September 26, 2011

ELEnin, WKU, KCTCS and a Coronor

    The rain  today does not by any means put a damper on my day. Nice try. Eli woke up puking at 4 a.m..  Pulled out the big guns didn't you, Monday?!  He's in the bed recooperating. I'm sure he will be reeking havoc by lunch but, I don't care.
   The weekend was nothing spectacular. We are still on the lookout for this weird dude trying to rob people on this end of the county. It's been pretty consistent every night for several days/nights now. At first I was shook up by the idea of this fella on the loose but now I find myself just wishing he'd come to my door. I'm sick of this man turning our little area in chaos. Saturday night Danny left for work around 10pm and I went to bed. At 1130 the door knob rattled. Did I freeze in terror like I imagined I would? Nope! Grabbed my slugger and met the man at the door! Don't fret tho. It was Danny. He was confused on the date he was supposed to leave. This happens quite often but normally he isn't met at the door with a lime green baseball bat. I'm thinking he may call prior to coming home after dark again. At least until this idiot is caught. Personally I'd like to be the one to call coroner for him. I think one swift swing to the throat would do this jerk some good. 

    My brother has convinced me that the world as we know it will come to a end late this afternoon due to the comet/dwarf star ELEnin. I have been on high alert for 3 days. Making my plan. Cave, food, water, and a Pack n Play for Evyn. Can you imagine trying to keep up with a baby in a dark cave that has tunnels and passage ways twirling 100 different directions. Maybe a crate for Eli wouldn't hurt either. This may come off in a joking manner but with all the sites and information I've read I got to tell you.....if nothing happens I'll be happily surprised. Remind me to thank Brent at Thanksgiving for throwing me into a full blown anxiety attack for 3 straight days. Had it not been for a Xanax, bottle of wine and several shots of Jose yesterday I'd be sitting in my cave right this second. If day time television is interrupted today by breaking news expect me to be in the car and headed underground before they can finish "this is _ (insert name)_ in New York with breaking News"

    As you already know Football was a flop for Eli. We are now going to play kickball on a league for kids at the City Park. Zac will be able to play too. I'm crossing my fingers. He needs some fun before Winter sets in and the snow begins to fall. That is IF the Solar Flares don't kill us all first. (errrr...Brent!!)

   I am now a student at WKU but I'm thinking maybe I made a mistake and should have went to KCTCS the first two years. I really need the first couple years to be all online. I refuse to hire a sitter and leave my kids anywhere for any amount of time so I can do something I want to do.

  No Soaps today. I am heartbroken. What on earth will I treat myself too after all the housework is done and Evyn is napping?

   So, I have to ask..... does anyone alse not see all this ELEnin evidence and worry?

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Listening Between The Lines

Today I realized just how good I have gotten at "listening between the lines". The boys may actually put sentences together that most would understand and think were true statements, but I hear what they really mean. I have decided to compile examples just for kicks. Enjoy.....`

I can't find it.~ Translation~ I have not looked, nor do I plan too because I know you will and thats eaisier for me and my lazy arse.

 Evyn did it. ~Translation~ I did it, but I know I can blame it on the baby cause he can get away with murder.

Somebody stole it ~Translation~ It was theirs to begin with. I stole it from them, then they found it in my possession and took it back..

Yes, I cleaned my room.~Translation~I thought about it then decided against it. There are too many of us pulling you in 20 differnt directions for you to actually go look today. If I'm lucky you wont actually check till next Tuesday.

 No, I did not flush toilet paper down the camode and cause it to over flow. ~Translation~ Yes, I used a whole role and threw it all in the camode. I saw it wasnt gonna flush so I used your tooth brush to help shove it down. I then lured the baby in the bathroom and ran because I knew you'd just laugh if he had of done it.

 Maaamaaaaa!! ~Translation~ (insert 1 of 4 boys names)  hit me!

I'm full. ~Translation~ I'm going to wait until you tell me to go to bed, then I'm gonna claim to be starving.

I love you, Momma. ~Translation~ Can I go to Poppy's?

Monday, September 19, 2011

The Veneer has me stumped......

   Absolutely magnificent day. I am so glad I can think of something positive today and not so damn negative. Wow, looking back at my post over the last few days. Someone should have told me to suck it up! Geeezzzz.......I have very loyal friends. I love you guys. Next time, feel free to tell me to SHUT UP!

  It has rained all day. I don't even care. Let it rain. Me and Evyn stayed in out jammies all day long and watched Soaps. I aint ashamed to admit that.........once.

  The kids had a fantastic Monday and are now playing the Xbox except for Zac. He's under my shirt tail as always. Again, I don't care.

  I have decided to start a kitchen remodel. This could get nasty. Expect bad language. I am going to paint my cabinets black and change my hardware to polished nickle or a antique black. Decisions decisions. I also intend to lay some tile and grout it myself. I have done it before and know now what I need to change and do differently. I had some grout to brake and fall apart. It caused a couple of my tiles to crack.
I also intend to repaint all my trim and doors. Yes, I just finished painting it all white about a year ago. I thought white was a great idea and look clean. WRONG!! Note to self: Nothing white is ever clean with 4 boys no matter how bad your OCD is! I want to paint it all black now. I have saw a few homes and pictures of black trim and doors and it really makes bright wall paint pop. I think black is for me since I have a variety of color in my home that ranges from lime green, burnt orange, royal blue and red. I do have a question. How do I make paint stick and be washable on my generic veneer kitchen cabinets? Ya know.....that slick cheap finish. (and don't suggest sanding it off. It's just a press wood type of material underneath)

  Now, a update on the fam. Things look great. Medications are being managed well and so far so good.

 At this moment Pey and Eli are having a snorting contest it sounds like. Evyn is breaking the "no jumping on the couch" rule and Zac is talking to himself. He's going to be a blogger one day. ;)

  I hope Monday was good to you. I hope someone can tell me how to tackle Veneer.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Maybe I was wrong. (notice I said maybe)

    I bought a $2.00 lottery ticket yesterday. It was a $4.00 winner. I was was feeling lucky and took my $4.00 and bought two more $2.00 tickets.............when I should have just been happy with my $2.00 profit cause the other 2 tickets were LOSERS! Why do we always want more? Do we ever reach a point when we stop looking and wanting more and being happy with what we have? Life is not a lottery game. We should be happy with what we have and stop always trying to double it. I do this. You do this. And now my child does this.
   Peyton has reached that age where it's all about what you have, what you ware, what you drive, ect. I spent a couple hours today giving him a speech on why material things are not important. Why having things to brag about  are not important.
   He informed me today he wanted to leave and go live with his Daddy. When I ask him why he said because he had a four wheeler there, he didn't have to do chores, no one bothered him there, he would be a only child and able to have more, and because I fuss at him too much.
   I thought about this a while. His explanations. And I have decided I am much of the reason he is the way he is. Yes, we all want more. Take the lottery ticker for example. Yes, I do make him do chores. So he can earn money and buy more of the things he wants. Yes, I do stay on his ass all the time about doing right, getting good grades, talking with his teachers, cleaning his room. being good to his brothers, ect. But only cause I want him to go far in school and in life and go to college and get a good job so he can have MORE. There's that word again. It seems now I have created a little monster. All this time have I been doing wrong by him? Should a child just be a child and have no responsibilities? I am a big girl and can take constructive criticism. I'd really like a answer on this one.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Screaming Is The Normal Here

Saturday- Was delivered the news that Mom was diagnosed with Dementia. I delivered the news as requested by Dad to my brothers.
Sunday- Still paralyzed from the news. Peyton is having a "I am 12 and grown week." Eli thinks the best form of communication is to scream and cry at me. It's always been a issue but this week  more then others. Maybe because he senses that I am drowning in worry and if he screams at me enough I'll scream back. He loves our battles. Why? Cause I allow it. I enable him. I play right into his hands. I need to be taught a better way.

Monday-Mom is magnificent when I go to check in on her. We even walk with Evyn about a mile. She showed me her new washer 4 times but I didn't mind. Yall know I do love admiring a new washer. It's going to be a ok week despite recent developments.

Tuesday- Had positive thoughts too soon. Mom is in terrible shape. Not speaking, not eating, vomiting, and too weak to even walk to the bathroom. I spent a great deal of time there this morning but I doubt she even knew Evyn and I were there. Eli and Pey both have practice. Eli isn't able to stay. He gets discouraged and ignored by the coach and is told to sit down beside me. After sitting for a while we leave and go home. He said he had a headache and was on the verge of crying. Did he really have a headache or was he just fed up and wanted to leave. It doesn't really matter. He doesn't want to play anymore at this point. I assume his teeny tiny frame is why the coaches didn't pay him no mind. One more person in his life who made him feel he isn't capable. Eli is mad at me and screams and hollers. I know he wanted to come home and be taken out of the situation he was in at football practice but he's so angry that no one paid attention to him there that he chooses me to scream at. This is normal for him. I come home and settle down to make some supper. Mom is heavy on my mind. I need to lay eyes on her again before bedtime. I load Evyn and Zac in the car and leave Eli here with my phone. Mom is close. 2 houses down the road. She is sleeping and Dad relaxed. I head straight back home. At least if she is asleep it'll be a somewhat uneventful night maybe. Wrong. In the 8 minutes I am gone Eli has called 911. I don't think I have to explain what happens next. The argument leads to screaming. How can I teach him a better way of communicating his thoughts?

Wednesday-Let today be a good day. Mom got up and went and got her hair done. It had been weeks since she went. I should take this time to get a few thing done that I've put off but instead I find myself making the drive to Edmonton too just to check in on her. After they left from her apt. I spent a great deal of time talking with her beautician/friend. She too confirms mom didn't talk again today. Just stared off. I stopped in again on my way home to see how she was. Again, she was  like she was the day before. I decide it's time to intervene. Daddy tries so hard to handle her. My God is he a good man, husband, Daddy, provider and Grandpa. But he is so oblivious when it comes to sickness. Mom always took care of us when we were sick. We do agree it's time to go somewhere. TJ is the closest hospital but not my first choice. After tests and blood work we learn at some point in time she has had a Stroke and has a raging UTI. Both hopefully part of the reason for the severe mood change, rages and vomiting over the last couple days. She always calms down in a hospital environment. She felt safe I think.

Thursday-The fairly normal day I have needed all week. Evyn and me get a lot done home alone. Mom seems better today. I know the good and bad days will come and go so I chose not to hover over her today. I have a home to run too. I still feel neglectful for not being there today but somewhat better knowing I did feed them supper tonight. Mom thought she could eat some Potato Soup. I fixed 2 gallons. Probably overdone it but it fed us, Mom and Granny and will for a few days. Eli has a terrible afternoon. Why is his only form of communication to scream. Please, don't scream today. They have no idea Mom is as sick as she is. They don't understand why I kept them from her for so long now. I know this. They get sick of looking at me day in an day out. They want to see their Poppy and Mamee. Zac came home from school coughing. By bedtime he is gagging from all the coughing and has a fever. I give him Tylenol and cough medicine. 5 minutes later I'm washing sheets, pillows and him. Mom puked 3 days and Zac is chiming in now. I HATE PUKE. I did get my transscrip sent to Western today. I want to study Psychology with a passion. I have talked myself into doing it! Again.

Friday- Today will be a calm day all day. I wake up with high hopes. The kids will be great. Mom will be good and I will get this house cleaned up and smelling better after a night of puke. Zac is staying home so getting the two big boys to school will be a breeze! And then Eli wakes up mad. Screams. Cries. Stomps. Clinches his fist. My control I've had all week crumbles at this very moment and I smack him. Dammit! Being popped in his mouth does no good. Being spanked does no good. At these times he just has to sit in a quite place and be really still and reset his thinking patterns. I have saw this work so many times and yet in that exact instant I was so mentally torn down that it made me feel better to just smack him for making me feel worse. Shame on me. I have to find a way to balance my life better. Every one has sickness in their families. there are people who worry about 10 times more then I do, and do it with a smile. 

I just left Mom's. It's not a good day for her either.

Time to put my game face back on and be the daughter and Mother I need to be today. And to think I thought I had time to attend school. Answers come to us one way or another don't they.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

My Mother and my Mommy

  Today I want to talk about my Mommy.  I don't think I've said this to many people because the time has never called for it, but today is the day.
  I was born in Middlesboro TN to Tamara Jane Russell and Michael Wade Morgan. I was a second daughter to Tammy. Due to the circumstances Tammy felt it best that I was given ever chance at a better life and put me up adoption. No doubt a selfless act in which I have great respect for  her.
  I bounced into this world at a whopping 3 pounds 9 ounces on March 19th 1980 just a little over two months too quick. I have never had good patience. I have proven that since I slid out when it was convenient for me and not when everyone else said I should.
 There are lots of thoughts and feeling that surround the circumstances of my birth and first years. There is a fascinating story behind how my older sister found me after years of searching. For now I just want to share some of the words that Mommy said in the adoption papers that were provided to me when I was 21 after petitioning the courts to release my records once permission from Tammy was given.

  She took me in when I needed her and I intend to use every drop of energy and spare moment I have to do the same.


Saturday, September 10, 2011

The Medication Debate and A Plea for HELP!!

      I have been in limbo with whether medication was necessary for Eli to function well since he was first diagnosed AD/HD at the age of 4.

     I read all the books on diet change, and herbal remedies. I spoke to several Dr's and saw a gentleman who specialises in Iridology  .

     I left no stone unturned trying to manage Eli without medication. Even still I get away from medication sometimes in the Summer due to the fact that he still doesn't eat well when he takes it and is very underweight for his age and height.

     The bottom line is, he functions better on meds. We tried several before I found a cocktail of meds that work exceptionally well for him. We use Concerta and Depakote I have learned over time and trials that one will not work without the other. These two together have made a world of difference in Eli. It wasn't easy.  It took 4 years.

  Afternoons are a bit chaotic at times. We have to have just a little help from medication sometimes when things are on the edge for him. We tried low doses of AD/HD meds, Benedryl, ect. but until a few months ago had no success.  It was suggested to me by a Psychiatric Nurse Prac. (who also happens to be a sister to me) that Clonidine sometimes works.  JACKPOT! We are now living and managing and not struggling everyday. Yes, he/we still have days that are not pleasant but we also have days that are almost normal.

  I know in the end you have to decide for yourself. I just wanted to share what works for my son.

  I am open to suggestions on how to put some weight on my baby. We have tried appetite stimulants with no success. He normally is hungry around 8 pm and only wants things he can hold. No foods can touch each other. Soups, Salads, plate meals are out of the question. Thank you OCD for those irritating bonuses. We have tried milkshakes and they worked for a while but after a few days they get old as well. I need foods high in fat but somewhat healthy.  HELP!! Ok, go..............

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

I have stared at this blank computer screen for a few minutes now trying to determine what to put on it. A story from my childhood, some bragging about the boys, whining about Eli or the other person in my life that lays heavy on me tonite, something witty, something sad.......and I can honestly say I am experiencing a writers block errrr.....maybe writer is a bit of a exaggeration. Bloggers block.

This calls for a bit of rambling.

It has rained here for 40 days and 40 nights. Ok, maybe not quit that long yet but 3 nights and 3 days solid. At the risk of sounding like Forrest Gump I must say there has been stinging rain, sideways rain, big ole fat rain, and rain that seems to be coming up. This morning while packing groceries to the car, it looked like a fine snow. I then realized Summer has silently slipped on out for the year. I had just gotten the pool cleaned and vacuumed 4 days ago. The heat index was 115. Today, it's 58. Gotta love Kentucky.

Puppies are being placed in new homes this week. I met the most fascinating couple over the weekend. So nice and polite. They decided to get in their SUV and drive until they found their new furry companion that they wanted. They came to visit us here all the way from Missouri. I am flattered they came across and decided I was the one who had their newest baby. Thank y'all for all the kind words about my property, children and dogs/puppies. I work so hard to make a good impression and the compliments could not have came at a better time. 

I am a recovering FB addict. I wish I had remembered what day I finally deactivated the damn thing. I could then tell you how many days I've been free of the chaos. Ever now and then I wonder what's going on in the world and then it dawns on me that there is nothing more important then what's happening in my own home. If it's real important Kristen will tell me about it before the news gets luke warm. (I love you darlin'. I've always called you my eyes and ears)

So far school is going well for the boys. Eli has not had  football practice lately due to the sideways rain but Pey did have basketball practice this afternoon. Today was the first day since school began the first week of Aug. that Zac did not cry and got on the bus without a fuss. It took a month. Bittersweet.

The truck is sickly this week. I hate hate hate it when we just begin to see a light at the end of the tunnel and it breaks down. Does it sense when I start to breath easier and throw a wrench in itself  to get me all worked up again? I'm sure this won't be the last time I speak of the truck this week. Expect vulgar language.

Now that I have caught you partly up on the the last couple days I am going to head to bed and hope for some sleep. At the moment I am so ill I could chew the iron bed in two. Maybe I'll do that if counting sheep doesn't work.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

14,000 reasons Xanax should be available over the counter.

Today I discovered a used book store in Glasgow. The most expensive book there I bought today was 5 bucks, and the least expensive was $1.50. I picked up a little book that I thought would help me enjoy the little things a bit more. These days I need help.  It was titled 14,000 Little Things That Make Me Happy. I read a few pages and the only inspiration I got was realizing all the little things that irritate me. I thought I'd make my own little list and add to it as time goes on. Who knows........maybe in 20 years I'll publish it as well.

1. dust
2. smudgy prints on my hardwood
3. toothpaste in my sinks
4. ironing
5. when I ask a question and am ignored, all tho sometimes the answers are more irritating then if the question had of just been left unanswered
6. surprises. period.
7. when the bottom of my foot itches, but I'm happy I have feet
8. Carrie Underwood. Period.
9.  repeating myself
10. hypocrites (I'd love to start naming names here but I suppose there's no need in embarrassing anyone. I doubt they ever thing to look at something I'd write anyway because people like me are a waste of their precious time.
11. being interrupted
12. knowing a name on the tip of my tongue and not being able to remember it, but isn't it a blazing glory when it pops in your head 2 days later while your mopping smudgy footprints off the hardwood floor
13. pumping gas
14. when there is no hot water left
15. sunburns
16. a buggy (aka a shopping cart) with a bum wheel
17. splinters
18. starting the kids bath water only to realize a second too late that the shower plugger puller thingie was still in the upright position
19. whining
20. complaining
21. lies
22. wrinkles in my sheets
23. when I'm out of paper towels
24. hollering
25. slow drivers
26. the dried ketchup, mustard, ect. around the opening of the bottles
27. laziness
28. ppl eating while they are on the telephone with me
29. ppl talking to someone else while I am on the phone with them
30. a overflowing garbage
31. ppl who quote the bible to try and prove that their opinion is correct
32. ppl who leave one last drink in the bottom of a two liter knowing it's only spit by this point
33. Walmart on the 1st-10th
34. forwarded tx messages and emails
35. ppl who call interested in a puppy and talk for a hour before they have spoken to their spouse
36. cold checks
37. rap music
38. dingy white socks
39. snoring
40. crooked picture frames
41. heartburnn
42. ramen noodles
43. dirty fingernails
44. carpet
45. when Peyton screams in a octave that makes him sound like he has a hoohaa

                               to be continued..........

Friday, September 2, 2011

   I chose today as a day off. Actually, I demanded it. I don't recall much of today.........that's all I'll say about that. I suppose everyone deserves a day that's foggy. :)  Between everything that's happen lately and last night, I had had my limit. Tomorrow it's back to reality and I believe a few things are going to surface soon that may be seem earth shattering but will really be for best in the end.
 September. Not my favorite month but definitely the beginning of my favorite time of year.

 Dove season started yesterday. I might have picked up Pey early early at school so he could hunt. Just saying.......

  Eli had a Dr.'s apt yesterday. His evaluation from his teacher wasn't of the best nature. His Dr. insisted to see him. We did a med switch ahh rooo. I hate hate hate switching meds. Before I even consider giving it I always have to read up on it. That takes a couple days. I still have not given it, yet.

  We also had to go to the hospital for some lab work. I have not heard back from that yet.

  Today Mom learned she will be having back surgery. A MRI was also done too see what her previous pelvic break looks like now. I'm unsure at this point if it will need attention as well.  Not exactly what she/we need at this time, but when is timing ever on my side. Never. Maybe it will help. Maybe recover won't be terrible. Maybe with the back and pelvic pain managed it will not cause other issues to worsen. Wow. I know this entire paragraph made no sense to some of you. Maybe one day with her permission I will go into detail farther.

  Eli has football practice tomorrow. He seems to be happy with it so far. There is one child there that seems to be hell on wheels and for what ever reason he always picks on Eli. Maybe cause Eli is the smallest. Maybe cause Eli will not fight/pick back cause I am there watching. This child never has a parent there to straighten him up. I hate correcting another persons child. I've already decided that if he grabs Eli by the throat again tomorrow, I'm going to correct him same as I would my own. Parents should not be allowed to drop off children and leave that particular age group unsupervised. One coach can simply NOT keep that many children in order and still do whats expected of him as coach. No disrespect toward him. He's doing a fine job and should not have to deal with unruly children who's parents are too uninvolved to even watch a practice on occasion.

  Danny leaves tomorrow for a Pennsylvania run. Looks like it's just me and the boys. I'm rolling around ideas in my head to entertain them. It is Labor Day weekend, the unofficial end of Summer. Looks like we will see Summer out the same place we welcomed it in......our own yard.

  Think I'll pop in my Ipod and try to not the think for a while. One day I will blog simply on my songs. Each one has one memory that always comes to mind as soon as I hear it. Isn't it odd how the mind works sometime.

  Have a fabulous weekend.  I hope it worth your wild.