Monday, July 23, 2012

The fact that I picked up the computer to blog this a.m. is nothing short of a miracle. Eli is asleep, finally. The last 48 hours have been like nothing I have seen so far. Just when I think I know all their is to know about his disorder, something else reveals itself.

Going on little to no sleep is common with him, but last night was new to me. The poor child wondered the house and cried and cried and cried.........and cried some more. Eli isn't a crier. Ever. Years ago he would have night terrors and fight and cry in his sleep, but not cry while he was awake unless he was hurt.

I tried talking to him. This done no good. He had no clue why he was crying. Since he doesn't feel comfortable being touched, holding or rocking him was not a option. He would settle down and fall asleep then wake up and cry more. I finally just left him alone. I think my questioning him made him worse. I sat quietly in the dark a room away and listened to this poor soul. He was broken. Overly tired, maybe. Danny suggested a anxiety attack, which had never crossed my mind, and very possible. We got a little off track with medications yesterday because I failed to refill the day before. I knew better. I knew when I filled his box for seven days that he wouldn't have enough to refill yesterday. This child is my responsibility. Every episode that he has had over the course of a year I take full blame for. Usually it was medication related and my forgetfulness to refill them before the weekend. Other times I stoop to a lower level and have a screaming match with him. Peyton informed me yesterday that I'm much more intemidating when I whisper with my nose touching theirs. Or, when I sit quietly and don't say a word to them, just stare.

Many days I look at this child and think there is no way a nine year old could need so many medications. And then, we have a day when only one little pill is missed in his daily ritual of eight pills and I see how detrimental this is for him. Will he ever be able to come off of these. Is this his life forever? Who will take care of him if something happens to me?  No one else except Danny knows what to give, how to fill his box or when it's time to give him sleeping medications. Lifeskills appointments, Dr. Littleton appointments and now Zackary has OT appointments as well. I find myself writing every detail down at the beginning of every week just to make sure if something happen to me the kids wouldn't miss a thing. Morbid. I know. Danny can't work and support them and handle these things. It is not possible since he's only home a day a week. Ugh. It's gonna be one of those days for me.

As I type Eli is still sleeping. It wouldn't surprise me if he slept all day. He was so would up and frazzled yesterday. I know his body is exhausted.

Today we will relax a little and not go any farther than the pool in the back yard. Tomorrow is another full day of running and appointments to meet's meeting time tomorrow night at the Thompson House and I am thrilled.

Have a wonderful day followers.

No comments:

Post a Comment