Yesterday after venting I sat down to enjoy the day with Evyn. We started to color and watch cartoons and I began to feel some ease about school starting and the boys first day. But, a friend told me many years ago that just when things seem too good to be true.........they always are. The phone rang and now things have changed for us, again.
Five years ago when our journey began we were being treated by our pediatrician. There came a time 3 years ago that she realized Eli needed bigger help and it was time to move us along to someone better educated. She referred us to the only Pediatric Psychiatrist in the area. The wait for a appointment was two years. During that time I spent a tremendous amount of time searching for a Dr for Eli while continuing to get our services from the normal pediatrician until a spot opened for us. A year ago we finally saw Dr. Scott Littleton for the first time. From day one that man changed our lives. I have said on many occasions I'd take a bullet for my boys and Scott Littleton. He is nothing short of brilliant and pegged Eli's medications immediately. He slept. He ate. He has more good days then bad. Jackpot.
A few weeks ago when it was suggested to us that Zackary see Scott for a intensive evaluation for Aspergers and we made our appointment without a second thought. (this Monday) We had few things in our life that was reliable for the boys. Dr. Littleton was that us.
Dr. Littleton was on the other end of the line and very calmly told me he had been offered a job at UofK as Head Medical Director and his practice was closing as of September. So, Eli and Zackary will be seeing him Monday for Zackarys evaluation and Eli's follow up and medication refill and then we are on our own. Again.
If you have never had to search for a Dr. If you have never put your trust in one man. If you have never sat with a screaming child, tolerated fits of rage or sat and cried at finally seeing your manic child rest, there is no possible way you could fathom what this feels like to me. I feel betrayed. I feel like he never really cared about Eli. I feel like I now have no one to help us. It took us 2 years to see him and establish our relationship. And now, there's nothing left to do but start over.