Today, the simple task of cleaning Granny's bathroom sparked a few thoughts.
When I was a kid I spent a lot of time there. Mommy cared for both her parents at home, till they passed away. What times they were hospitalized I always stayed with Granny because Mommy and Daddy never left their bedside. Mommy stayed a day shift usually and Daddy worked all day and then came and relieved her for his night shift.
When the subject has rose about Granny being able to safely live on her own at 90 years old, there was no doubt that I would see that happen for as long as I could see her medically and emotionally. I was brought up that way.
Right now I go several times a day to administer medications and see that she doesn't need anything. Mostly, she just needs company. So today I decided to clean a little. Bathrooms are my weakness and I started there first with Comet, Bleach and Windex.
It's odd to think back as a child to all the times Granny bathed me in that tub. Grandpaw was a master craftsman and had made me a wooden boat to have in the tub there to play with. I always wanted to take it home but they never allowed it. "If you take it home then you won't have it here to bath with," he argue with me. I still have it. Put away now, for safe keeping.
Today as I was scrubbing the tub that clearly had not been used in a good amount of time, I could hear running water and their voices. "Kathy, don't use up all the hot water. Grandpaw needs a shower too". But he's not there today. And Granny isn't able anymore. Reality hit and erases the voices as I cleaned the shower chair that now straddled the tub.
A extension seat is on their camode seat now. It makes it easier for Granny to get up and down without falling in the bathroom. It's not used much. The potty that sits by her bedside sees the most traffic. ;) Her house is adorned with everything I could possibly think of to make her life easier. Rolling walkers and canes are here and there.
When on earth did this happen? When did so much time pass?
Watching her suffer sparks rage for me. Granny is what I would consider a good Christian. I've mentioned this many times. She lives and has lived ever second of every single day for her God. She has always done his work and been his mouth piece. I've never known a better woman. Why does a God she has served for over 90 years allow her to have to endure such pain and sickness? Why doesn't he bless her with good days and a stronger body here during her last days instead of letting her suffer? Hasn't she proved her love? Hasn't she done enough? Yet, there are those that seem to never suffer. Never experience the loss of loved ones. Never walk close to a god like she has, and seemed blessed beyond measure with a wonderful life and a peaceful death. This makes me irate.
I'm sure this will not set easy with most but frankly I don't care. These are my thoughts which I'm entitled to express freely. I'm sure most will be tempted to email me with uplifting words about how we don't question His ways. Let me save you the trouble. Don't.
The last few years I have watched my Momma fade into a haze, my Daddy wither away with heart problems, triple bypass and currently Cancer and radiation. All I consider strong Christians.
Wouldn't it be lovely to see these people rewarded on earth for the lives they have lived? Wouldn't that cause for others to believe and have a increase of faith? Don't get me wrong. Life eternal in Heaven will be their our reward but it would be lovely to see their efforts pay off here! Now! Because watching good people hurt, cry, and be in physical misery just doesn't seem fair to me.
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