Monday, April 1, 2013

Bipolar Is A Jackass Disorder

For the last several months I have stayed away from posting about my days/nights with Eli. Partly because he is older and I don't want to "out" his business without his permission and partly because it's been rather peaceful for the most part. But, it has not been peaceful for me so much as it has been him. It's peaceful for him because I do not discipline him. I do not make him do anything he does not want to. I let him stay up all night. I don't make him brush his teeth. I don't make him do homework. I don't make him respect his siblings or take a bath and change clothes. It's as if I have given up. I was tired of fighting. So, I gave up trying to teach him any better.

This morning (the first day of Spring Break) the fighting began. It's always a fight over a device. iPad, iPod, Xbox, ect. Eli has a iPod addiction. He is a screen addict. He has to have it in his hands at all times. He sleeps with it in his hands. Literally. He lays it on the back of the camode when he showers, poops and pees. He holds it when he gets dressed in the morning. He hides it when he goes to school and picks it right up when he gets home. He eats with it. He can't breath without it. And as long as I don't take it away for any reason he won't scream at me, throw things or break stuff.

I have been dreading Spring Break. I had already decided he was not going to keep a device in his face constantly and he was going to interact with the rest of us some. Mistake.  I took the iPod away and he completely lost it. I almost gave it back. I am a firm believer that we as parents need to pick our battles. Was this such a big deal? Then I decided that this was a battle I was going to fight with him.  No one else in the house gets to do what they want 24/7. Everyone else has limits. But Eli, he has none because I don't want to throw gas on the fire. This is not fair to anyone else in the house who has chores, expectations and limits. It's not fair to me to be scared of his outburst and it's not fair to him because I am not preparing him for the real world. I stood my ground and did not back down when he busted my lip during a raging fit. I did not back down when Evyn threw everything he could get his hands on because he thought I was hurting Eli when I slapped his smart mouth that wouldn't stop thing morning. It's all Evyn knows. He has saw Eli throw such terribly fits that he thinks it's normal. This is another reason I have avoided being a parent to Eli for some time.

After we both calmed down (it always turns in a screaming match between Eli and me) the "poor pitiful me" stuff started. "I hate it here. No one likes me. Everyone hates me. I hate my brothers. I hate this house. You don't love me. If you had just left me alone none of this would have happen. This is all your fault. I wasn't bothering you."

I ignored him. For the most part.

He then decided he was moving to Mom's and taking his iPod and Xbox with him. Negative. My reply......"you can go to Momma's but you will not be taking the iPod or the Xbox." 

We went round and round over this for a couple hours before he filled a Walmart bag with Nerf bullets, playing cards, marbles, a pencil trimmer and a pair of under ware and started walking to Mom's. Don't spaze. Mom's is within walking distance for a ten year old.

Since, it has been peaceful for the rest of us. No fighting, fussing or bleeding. I have had to spank Evyn a couple times for throwing what I call a "Eli fit". But unlike Eli, he learns from his mistakes and excepts consequences and kisses my arse afterwards. He knows what he done was wrong and he's sorry. Eli on the other hand is never wrong. Never excepts consequences and is never sorry for hurting anyone. He never tries to fix his mistakes (because he thinks it's always someone elses fault) and he will continue to make those mistakes over and over. It's a vicious cycle. It's like no matter how hard I try, I can't teach him. I can't make him see the big picture. Ever. And I need to learn to except that he may never learn cause and effect or consequences. Bipolar is a Jackass disorder.

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